Conversations such as these occur every day in the clinic. This abbreviated texting conversation occurred over the course of several months. Used with patient permission.
TUESDAY, AUGUST 5
Patient – Hello I need some information please.
Advocate – Good morning. This is Kate. Thank you for your inquiry. How can we assist you?
Patient – I don’t know if you can. I’m in Tennessee and 4 and a half weeks pregnant. I was supposed to be going through perimenopause. I’m almost 39 years old and I’m terrified. I don’t want this at all. I took a plan B. This shouldn’t have happened
Advocate – I definitely understand. It is so hard when life doesn’t go as planned, but you do not want to take the abortion pill until you know for sure where the pregnancy is. Do you live in Tennessee?
Patient – Yes, Tennessee. I would never have thought that I would have an abortion. But the thought of having another child at this stage in my life seems unbearable. My daughter is in middle school. I only had sex one time this cycle. The 19th of July.
Advocate – Are you in a relationship with the father of the baby?
Patient – We are married 10+ years
Advocate – Ok. That is a good. Does your husband know?
Patient – Yes, he knows. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I feel this way. I don’t feel any love towards it. I’ve been taking minoxidil and another med that can cause birth defects. I’m worried about down syndrome… I also smoked cigarettes the past 2 weeks
Advocate – Do not worry about those things, but if possible, stop taking the meds.
I can find you a clinic near you. You can acquire an ultrasound and medical grade pregnancy test. Truly, the only way to diagnosis a pregnancy is with an ultrasound this early on.
I also want you to know that abortion is not as easy as people may think. So, you should spend some time to consider all of your options and learn about the procedure.
Patient – I stopped the minoxidil and have taken less of the other med. But with the other med, I will go into withdrawal within 48 hours.
I’m religious. I’ll never forgive myself. But I’ll kill myself before I can handle another baby at my age.
Advocate – one out of 4 pregnancies end in a natural miscarriage. Also, the abortion pill can be taken up to the start of the 10th week. So, you have time.
Don’t rush into anything
Sometimes God believes we are stronger than we believe we are.
Patient – I didn’t realize that many pregnancies ended in miscarriage. The only thing I could stomach is the pill. I couldn’t do a d and c. Maybe God’s punishing me for my sins with a baby with down syndrome. Or some other genetic deformity.
Advocate – God doesn’t do that.
Patient – Thank you for talking with me
Advocate – As you know, God, who is love, can only do things that will lead to greater depths of love. He can only love.
Take care and know that I am praying for you,
Patient – Thank you.
THE NEXT DAY, WEDNESDAY AUGUST 6
Patient – Thank you for talking to me yesterday. I am going to Virginia to have an abortion. As long as it doesn’t have a heart beat yet. I’m tired of pretending to be a good person when I’m not. The risk of something being wrong with it due to my age is a lot higher. I’m not ruining my daughter and husbands’ lives like that. And I’m too old to even take care of a healthy newborn. We really can’t afford it either. I can’t make myself love something that I don’t. I want this alien out of me. That’s how it feels to me right now. You seem like a very nice person and you were very kind to me. Thank you for that. Take care
Advocate – Good morning, I am the mother of 8 children. I truly understand the struggle of wanting the very best for everyone. It is hard and fraught with trials. You may not realize this, but there are people willing to adopt your baby, even if it is not perfect. It is the mission God gave them. Honestly, it is good that you know your limits. It opens the door to the possibility of blessing another family through adoption. 4 of my kids are adopted. I thank God every day for the sacrifices their moms made. Would you like to talk about this? There really are options.
Patient – I never believed in abortion before. But now I understand this must be how the women feel who do it. I took precautions. I even took a plan B within a couple hours just to be sure. I can feel my stomach cramping and I’m just a couple days late. So I feel like it’s probably implanting and if I can have one now, it will be before the heart chamber develops
Advocate – It sounds like Giving birth allows you both to remain in God’s grace and allow the people around you to see how much you value life. Even if you place the child for adoption.
I have never met a woman who regrets giving life to her child. Every day I meet women who suffer because they did not. I am going to pray for you. I know this is a terribly difficult decision. God bless you.
Patient – I know what I’m doing is evil. But the thought of going through another pregnancy is unbearable. The financial strain. The medicine i was taking can cause birth defects. And I know that it is wrong. But I am not equipped to deal with a child like that. Thank you for your prayers. I never thought this is something that I would do
Advocate – I hear the agony in your heart. I shared your story with our nurse.
You must never forget God’s mercy and love for you and this child. I really encourage you to speak to Sara, our nurse. She is very intelligent and compassionate. She can give you light.
Patient – I can’t have an abortion after there’s a heartbeat. I just couldn’t bear it
Advocate – Don’t let Satan deceive you into thinking less of yourself than God thinks. He only knows how to lie. God speaks truth, and I know you know this, but sometimes we forget.
Patient – I don’t feel God anymore. He knows that I’ve made the decision to disobey and commit murder. I’ve already made the decision in my heart. I will suffer the consequences no matter what I do.
Maybe I’ve never felt him. Just blindly followed because that’s the way I was raised. I feel numb to it all
Advocate – You know, we all feel that way. I have been taught and have come to believe that it is in the driest times of our hearts that the Holy Spirit moves the most. When we can’t feel anything but just obey because it is right, He can bless us more than any other time.
Patient – My sister told me something similar. When I told her how I was feeling, she said that virtue isn’t doing the right thing because we feel like doing the right thing. It’s when we do the right thing even when it’s something we really don’t want to do
THE NEXT DAY, THURSDAY AUGUST 7
Advocate – How are you doing today? Each day is new.
Patient -I still don’t want this.
Advocate – I know that. I didn’t want my 4th child either because she was not my will, and I was on birth control. Thankfully God does not need our permission to bless us. That is the mercy of God!
Patient – I didn’t love my daughter until she was probably of couple years old. I was determined to do the right thing regardless of how I felt inside. I married her father when I knew I didn’t want to. We are still together. I don’t want this. My husband is okay with an abortion as long as it is before it has a heart beat
I got angry with God (first time in my life) over my dad’s cancer diagnosis a couple months ago. And I haven’t felt the same way since. I don’t feel him. I don’t feel his convictions. Maybe I never did. I have a lot of doubt in everything now
Advocate – There can be very dark times in our lives. I never ‘feel’ the presence of God, but I see the sun rise and set. I hear the joy in laughter. I see beauty in all things created by His hand. That is the presence of God.
This life is a dim reflection of what God created in the beginning.
Patient – Lol. I thought your clinic was an abortion clinic
Advocate – No, we do not provide abortions. We really seek to educate about them. So many women come to us in tears because no one ever told them that they don’t have to have an abortion. They carry heavy crosses.
THE NEXT DAY, FRIDAY AUGUST 8
Patient – The doctor told me this baby was 5 times more likely to have down syndrome than my pregnancy with my daughter. My husband still believes that it isn’t alive until there’s a heartbeat so I know he wants me to try and get an abortion before then. He doesn’t want another child and certainly not a special needs one.
Advocate – Our nurse midwife wants to hang your doctor. 5 times near zero is still almost zero. Your fear is not rational. If you will carry this baby to term, I will adopt him. You risk nothing.
The baby is alive and exactly as God created it. Every morning we pray a prayer that Christ removes the presence of Satan and his demons from our clinic. We prayed that for you as well today. Only love casts out fear.
Patient – The waiting is just so hard. You would adopt a baby?
Advocate – I’ve already adopted 4 of my 8. I strongly encourage you to trust God.
Patient – I feel like I’m pestering you all to death. I just don’t have anyone else to talk do about it
TWO DAYS LATER – SUNDAY AUGUST 10TH
Advocate – Good morning, I have been praying for you. How are you doing?
Patient – Good morning. Thank you for your prayers. I feel about the same, but I tore up my application at the abortion clinic and am trying to keep my mind from thinking about that kind of option. Thank you for asking
Advocate – You are doing great. The Holy Spirit is moving in your life and your heart.
LATER THAT WEEK, FRIDAY AUGUST 15
Advocate – Good morning,
You know, if you end up miscarrying, you will be especially thankful that you did not abort. It is so much better to accept the will of God.
Patient – Yes, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself. It just felt like, I couldn’t live with another baby either. I still am scared to death of something being wrong with it. But I’m just trying not to think about the future and get through things a day at a time
I’m still continuing to listen to sermons in the morning before work. And reading your book… things like that even if I don’t feel God right now.
Advocate – Honestly, it is our perseverance in serving God when there are no consolations that most define our growth in faith. It is easy to follow God when He showers us with good feelings.
Feelings are deceptive. The Christian life requires trusting God.
Patient – Yes :-).. I will keep trying to read the word. I hope I’m not beyond redemption. I know I need to trust him. But I also see him give difficult situations to his ppl. I’ve seen him give down syndrome children to families and of course they end up being a blessing. I just do not want that blessing. And trusting him almost feels like I’m saying in my heart that I will accept that if it does happen.
Advocate – No one who humbles themselves and seeks forgiveness is beyond redemption. He gives trials in order to lead us to greater depths of love. He never gives us more than we can bear, if we turn to Him. I don’t think it is unreasonable to let God know that you are not happy with Him. If everything were easy, life would lose all of its meaning because love is a gift of sacrifice. Only the Holy Spirit can reach the human heart. That’s how God found me.
Patient – I’m glad he found you. And I’m glad I found you too
Advocate – Me too to both. Hang in there. You are doing great.
THREE DAYS LATER, MONDAY AUGUST 18
Patient – Hello Kate. The internet says higher levels of hcg can be a sign of down syndrome
Advocate – Personally, I don’t think too highly of Dr. Google. You can know for sure about Down’s Syndrome with a blood test around 10 weeks pregnant.
Patient – The waiting is terrible.
Advocate – Yes, waiting can be hard. Trust in the Lord and He will bring you to knowledge of truth, but it doesn’t come easy.
Patient – I’m sorry. You’re the only one who responds to me.
ONE MONTH LATER, MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 15
Advocate – How are you doing? I’m still praying for you.
Patient – Hello Kate. I am okay. Today, I went to the doctor. They took labs to test for chromosomal abnormalities and said that they would have the results within 10 days
Thank you for praying.
Advocate – And what will your decision be?
Patient – I am just trying to pray and take it day by day
I haven’t gotten any peace about it. But I know terminating its life will ruin my own and my relationship with God. I just pray that if something is terribly wrong, God will take it on to heaven now
Advocate – I have been praying for you as well. I think you know God’s will. I have been praying you’ll have the courage to accept it.
Patient – The doctor I am seeing now says that odds are in my favor that everything will be okay
Advocate – You found a good doctor. You can trust God.
TWO WEEKS LATER, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 26
Advocate – How are you doing?? Still praying for you!
Patient – Well hello! My lab work got delayed. So I’m really not sure how everything is going lol
Advocate – Sounds like my life. I’m glad to see that you can ‘LOL’ about it!
Patient – I think I’ve just been so worried and stressed my brain is blocking it as a defense mechanism. And it just doesn’t seem real almost
Advocate – It’s hard not to worry sometimes, but you really can trust that God knows you, He knows your strengths and weaknesses, and He loves you. Everything He does is for our truest good. You’re doing great!
Patient – Thank you Kate. I have been trying to pray
Advocate – I’ve been praying too. You can do this.
10 days later, Monday, October 6th
(Slide change: 15 weeks)
Advocate – How are you? Have you received the results of the bloodwork??
Patient – Yes! Everything is negative so far.
It’s a boy!
Advocate – A BOY!! I am so happy for you! A boy to join your precious daughter. God is so good!
You are about 15 weeks pregnant! I wish you lived closer. I’d love to see your ultrasound with you.
Patient – I wish I was closer to you too! I couldn’t have gotten through this without you
Advocate – Honestly, I just helped you remember who you really are… a child of a God who loves you beyond what you can imagine.
TWO MONTHS LATER, MONDAY DECEMBER 1
Advocate – Hey, This is Kate. How are you doing? Is everything ok?
Patient – To my knowledge, he is doing alright. I have an ultrasound in 3 weeks to check out his heart.
Advocate – I’ve been praying for you a lot. How far along are you?
Patient – Thank you so much. Your prayers have gotten me through. I will be 22 weeks this weekend
Advocate – Fantastic!!